1. DRC = Delusional Ridiculous Cornerback
After his team’s sixth straight loss, Philadelphia Eagles cornerback, Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie was quoted as saying, “nobody has lined up and just beat us. No. It’s just mental mistakes.”
Wrong. Mental mistakes are when you lose a game by a touchdown or less. DRC…ya’ll are getting blown to smithereens! In terms of talent, on paper the Eagles sound sexier than a strip club full of King of Diamonds, Magic City, and Stadium all-stars. The Eagles are making mental mistakes AND you’re getting their asses kicked.
2. A.J. Green
A.J. Green sir, I think you are better than Julio Jones. Forgive me for thinking that he was better than you in college. What you did the Chiefs’ secondary last night was possibly one of the most disrespectful acts of athleticism that I’ve seen in all my years. Nine games in a row with a touchdown catch? Impressive sir.
3. The Detroit Lions
What happened fellas? You came out the gate like gangbusters last season going 5-0 and finished 10-6 making the playoffs. Right now, you’re 4-6. The core is still there, but is the will or the heart? Can’t be. You guys have gone from courageous to cowardly in one season.
4. The New York Jets might make the playoffs…shhhhhh
Before you call me crazy, do your homework. I’ve done mine, have you done yours? With six games left on their schedule, the only team that the Jets play with a winning record is the New England Patriots. It’s completely in the realm of belief that the Jets will go 5-1 in their last six games. I’m calling it now, the Jets go 9-7 and hit that cha cha slide into the playoffs y’all.
5. Gronk Gone
Rob Gronkowski broke his arm and will be out 4-6 weeks. Most people are criticizing Bill Belichick’s decision, saying Gronk’s injury is karma for running up the score on the Colts. Look, if the Colts didn’t want the Pats to score they could have stopped them. Wait…no they couldn’t. Gronk is in the game on 90% of Patriots offensive snaps and he just so happens to play on their extra point team. Why was he in there? He’s a good blocker, the Patriots have injuries at the tight end position already and for consistency. If the Patriots want to try a trick play with Gronkowski in there, it won’t be a surprise since he’s been playing on the extra point team all season long. The Hoodie is always up to something. This was nothing more than a fluke injury, the Patriots have a ton of weapons so they’ll be just fine.
He leads the NFL in sacks with 13 right now. He’s continually doubled team and continually finds himself in the backfield destroying quarterbacks. With Peyton Manning at QB, the Broncos have the leagues best offensive and defensive players right now. Von is going to have to work on his sack dance though….
The Houston Texans play the Detroit Lions this Thursday. Umm, they’re going to lose. The Texans traveled to Chicago two weeks ago and barely got out of Soldier field alive. This past Sunday, the Jacksonville Jaguars took them deep into overtime. Now, the Texans have to go on the road and play the Detroit Lions four days later. In eleven days, the Texans will have played 3 NFL football games. Dogg, that’s like getting into 17 car wrecks. Plus, the Lions are tired of losing, at least I hope they are. Either way, Lions victory this Thursday.
8. Hello Justin Blackmon
We’re glad you finally made it to the NFL. It only took ten games, but we’re not counting. Seven catches for 236 yards and a touchdown against a very good Texans secondary. Nice work young fella. Just make sure you’re more consistent than your former Oklahoma State teammate, Dezapearing Bryant.
9. Ed Reed Suspended
I’m all for protecting defenseless receivers, but this hit on Sunday Night football got Ed Reed suspended. By the letter of the law, it was helmet to helmet, but it was not intentional or malicious. What are Ed Reed’s options on this play? Let the receiver catch the ball? Please someone tell me. This gray area is going to get a defensive player who is being too cautious hurt one day.
10. Chopper City Juke & Beanie Biggle Wiggle dance
Chris Johnson has been doing this spastic ass dance for the longest. I’m not as young as I used to be, so I don’t all the young hip sh-t anymore. This past Sunday night, Jacoby Jones did the same dance that Johnson does. I’ve been trying to figure out what the hell it is. The Twittersphere shined down on me last night. The said the dance in question is the Chopper City Juke dance. Jones’ variation finishes with the ….ummm…”colorful” Beanie Biggle Wiggle dance. I’ll rock with the Chopper City Juke next time I Moss somebody in my flag football game, but y’all young boys can keep that Beanie Biggle Wiggle bullshit.