(Editor's note: We all know Pharoahe Monch is one of the greatest lyricists to ever spit bars. What many of us also know -- but some of us don't -- is that he's an avid, knowledgeable sports fan -- look no further than his Twitter timeline on Sundays or during Knicks and Mets games or listen to "Official." This is his first in a series of blogs for The Shadow League.)
How does the NFL continue to allow its star players to get away with the use of nano communications, laser graphic imaging and cyborg arm prosthetics? What type of data processing chips were in Ray Lewis's helmet? At one point, I could've sworn I saw him shoot a laser beam from his right arm to trip up Andrew Luck for a five-yard loss.
And Adrian Peterson...league officials need to check this man for bionic knee replacement. Please explain to me how he's running as if he were the 6 Million Dollar Man running from Bloods and Crips in Compton after he stole crack from them...and all of this after a torn ACL and MCL?!
Unfortunately, the government scientists in Washington, D.C. weren't allocated enough time to install RGIII's knee properly, and Mike Shanahan's two Super Bowl rings gave him the overriding authority to disobey orders from President Obama to sideline Robert at halftime. Thank goodness Russell Wilson, the least common denominator of the three rookies to make the playoffs, resorted to good old fashioned Napoleon complex powers to propel his team to the next round to face Atlanta.
Whether the result of perseverance, courageousness or utter inspiration, this year's playoffs are providing us with more compelling story lines than Pulp Fiction. Engaging subplots ranged from Peyton Manning's return from career threatening neck surgery to lead the Broncos to a 13 - 3 victory, to Colts head coach Chuck Pagano's return from his bout with leukemia. Even my squad, the Giants, who didn't make the playoffs (*hangs head and genuflects under my life size Eli fathead sticker*), showed they were a first class organization inviting survivors from the Sandy Hook school tragedy to participate in pre-game activities in their final game. There's been so much true inspiration that we all can pull from, helping us move forward in our own lives.
All that being said, looking ahead to round 2, I'm picking the Seahawks in an upset over the Falcons in the 2013 bird bowl. The 49ers will beat Green Bay, who just have too many questions on defense. Rescue asthma inhalers won't help the Ravens in Sports Authority Field against Peyton's syncopated perfecto passing game. And I'm pulling for Arian Foster and the Texans to use that last ass-whooping New England gave them as fodder for this week's game with the Patriots. Hey Houston, here's a tip from a Giants fan: Get in Brady's friggin-frackin face and kick his ass all over the field and then drag him through the mud and snow and punch him in the stomach when the refs aren't looking. Just a thought...