Volumes of flowery words situated into enough poetic prose to fill libraries will be written in the next few months about Derek Jeter's playing career as his retirement neasr, but his off-field exploits deserve praise as well. While A-Rod's dating life has been ridiculed because of Kate Hudson feeding him popcorn like a newborn baby or his relationship with Madonna, his obsession with a painting of himself as a centaur and a fling with a brolic exotic dancer, Jeter has dated an unassailable All-Star team of models and Hollywood starlets.

Jeter may have dated an entire lineup off celebrity dimes and models, but the best story of Jeter's legendary dating exploits involves the time he stole a chick from Ricky Smith, the writer of Black Dynamite. His Baseball Hall of Fame induction in 2020 may or may not be the first perfect vote in MLB history, but his first-ballot selection to Dave Chappelle's Hook-Up Hall of Fame is undoubtedly unanimous. When he does enter Springfield, Smith should introduce him. Jeter owes him that much.

If you're feeling down on Valentine's Day, consider yourself fortunate that you're not Ricky Smith and that Jeter has never stolen your girl. Jeter has stolen 348 bases in his major league career, but the time he stole Smith's girl may have been one of the best steals in Major League history. After Jeter announced his retirement on Wednesday, Smith shared the story on Twitter in painstaking detail. You can feel the despair seeping through his tweets. The story doesn't end with Jeter though. Smith's whole vacation quickly spiraled downwards afterwards. It's too bad Twitter wasn't around for Richard Pryor or Bill Cosby to share tales about the time one of their girls got cajoled into joining Wilt Chamberlain's 20,000 club.

Fellas, be careful--especially in Manhattan. Jeter is always lurking.