Also, you just finished high school? Thought you graduated from Degrassi.
Sounding more literate than 770 percent of hip-hop isn’t enough for Drake. Yeah, Wheelchair Jimmy wants more than that GED, y’all. He’s got to get that degree, too.
During an appearance at Howard University’s Yardfest late last week, the rapper-singer-emotional rollercoaster told the turnt up and tummies full of fried tilapia crowd:
“You know about two minutes ago, I made the decision. For the last four months I went back to high school and I graduated high school, so you see what my campaign is about this year, ‘cause I went straight to the bookstore. I’m trying to come to school with y’all. I wanna know if you accept.”
Could a detour to college really be next on Drake’s agenda?
Time will tell, but in the meantime, we’ve gathered a group of celebrities who’ve been caught up in similar school dazes to give Aubrey Graham some advice. What can the likes of Tyra Banks, Waka Flocka Flame, Diddy, Lil’ Wayne, and DMX share with the Canadian who grew up wanting to be Mr. Aaliyah Haughton?
Tyra Banks: Well, I just want to start off by commending you for going black with your higher education. I wish I had done that. My college experience was a mess, child. I was dealing with my boyfriend who was playing track and got caught up in all the racial tension going on throughout the campus. Damn, let Obama cook. So, yeah, all I wanted to do was help tutor him and train together; but found myself shot in the stomach on the yard in the middle of the day. It hurt almost as bad as my first shoot with Naomi Campbell.
Mary J. Blige: Yo, isn’t that Higher Learning you’re talking about?
Tyra Banks: What do you mean, Mary?
Tyra Banks: Oh…right. My bad. I was having a bit of Déjà vu (laughs at self over the pun she just made). Well, I did attend Harvard Business School and that was an amazing experience. That was an MBA program, though; so, Drake, call me once you’ve earned your bachelors. And I love “Fancy”!
Brandy: You know, I read about that and they were saying that it wasn’t an MBA program and all you technically got from the school was a receipt saying thanks for spending your money here.
Tyra Banks: What a funny accusation to come from Mrs. Spiritual Union. Why are you here, anyway? You only went to Pepperdine for four minutes yourself. I’m not buying your album now. In fact, I’ll just wait for Beyoncé and then tweet you the receipt. Can we move on?
Mary J. Blige: All I’ve got to say is, if you apply to Howard University, make sure you save every single document they send you. That is, if they even send you one. They’re good for telling you to show up on campus in 10-inch heels at 8:00 a.m. like the rest of the student body, and then pretend they never met you in the administration building. And when the press finds out, your fans will call you a lying sum’bitch no matter how many good albums you’ve given them.
Waka Flocka Flame: Just don’t say you want to do anything with math.
Waka Flocka Flame: Be an astronaut or some shit.
Brandy: Oh, I get it. Because he’s fly, right?
Waka Flocka Flame: No, because NASA is grossly underfunded. Perhaps, in the age of celebrity culture, the kind of publicity Drake would generate could give much needed attention to the importance of space travel and space exploration, including space medicine. Idiot.
Common: Try women’s studies, you bitch.
DMX: How ‘bout Drake major in getting out of the crack of Aaliyah’s ass? How ‘bout that crazy motherfu**er do that, and minor in not being hip-hop’s bitch? Learn to sing like your balls dropped for once.
Brandy: Oh, my friend from the 1990s. That’s not nice. That’s not okay.
David Banner: Well, studying music is one way to go. Or, you can follow my lead and major in business. Better yet, look into something that might help you venture into politics later in life. You’re as non-threatening as they come, know how to pander to women, and can easily use your heritage to sound strong on Israel. The world could be yours.
Paul Wall: I guess if you really wanna go back to school or whatever, Banner’s advice works. I majored in mass communications for three years, so clearly I wasn’t trying to do better in life. Then I dropped out, started rapping, and started selling mouth jewelry to black men. I couldn’t be happier, now. Hold on, why do you want to go to school again?
J. Cole: Don’t be like that. I majored in communications, too.
Tyra Banks: And your broadcast career is booming, dear.
J.Cole: Fine. Education is important or whatever, but, at the same time, my major was “needing to be in NYC and find Jay-Z, but I'm gonna hoop, bed-hop, and study in the meantime.” Ended up graduating magna cum laude and was the first to sign to Roc Nation. That said, can we just go work on another hit now? I mean, if it’s really necessary, you can just sign up for University of Phoenix and log on via iPhone whenever he’s bored.
Paul Wall: You go to school to get a job. He got one now, and it’s making people dance and cry – sometimes at the same damn time. Why go be around a bunch of people who will be crying themselves to sleep over their worthless degree and massive loans? Have someone buy him a Nook and steal a few syllabuses. Close enough.